Church

August 2, 2015 by melancholy

I don’t really like church.

I like people.

I like talking.

I like friendship.

I like learning.

I like worship.

I like the bible.

I like realness.

I like sharing.

I like helping.

I like God.

I like Jesus.

I like fellowship.

I don’t really like church.

Love is impossible

March 19, 2015 by melancholy

Colossians 3:12

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

This is how you stay married.

I need to stop focusing so much on making sure we LOOK like the right family or that we are doing the RIGHT things, or that we are saving enough money. I get so focused on DOING the RIGHT thing I forget to love my husband or show compassion. I need to let go of wanting my life to look right or even be right and just focus on my relationships right now. God, help me to focus on loving the people closest to me and not make creating the right life that everyone “should” live my priority.

Lazy

March 16, 2015 by melancholy

I am lazy. Everyday I fall short. Everyday I put myself first, before my daughter and husband. I sit too long get angry too fast. I fail everyday all day. I want to change.

Melancholy

March 5, 2015 by melancholy

Melancholy

The more I type it the more I sense it…

dissipate

I have learned so much about myself the past 5 years. I didn’t realize how sheltered I was from. I don’t mean moral things. I’m talking personal development things. I was only in one other real relationship before I got married and even that I wouldn’t even count as “real”. I had no idea still have mostly no idea how to function well in a intimate relationship. It’s hard to live with a completely different person. Someone brought up in a completely different household with an entirely different family and a different set of values. I have so many things going on in my head and heart that are all just in a messy ball like Pig Pen’s dust ball. There are so many things I want to change about myself. About how I live. I was never actually mad or experienced true anger until after being married. I wish I would have had more experience with anger. I don’t know how to handle it. I have absolutely no coping mechanisms for it. I had an amazing childhood, wonderful loving parents. I wish I would have known more about anger. I wish I wouldn’t have spent the majority of my time looking for a husband. So much of my ideas about life and choices I made were based around the idea of wanting to get married. I look back and can’t find very many things I did that didn’t have that marriage motivation behind it. My relationships in my church for almost the entire time I was there were shallow. I never felt like I had a really friend there. I had built up such a facade. I forced myself into a box/mold that I thought would find me a husband and put me higher up with the people around me. I attended my church 6-7 years and never got past niceties with most people. What does that say about me. I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to spend years of my life forcing myself to say the right things. I want real relationships. I want real friendships. I don’t want to burdened relentlessly by the thoughts others may be having of me. Free me. I am weak. I am selfish. I am lazy. I m greedy. I am gluttonous. I am mean. I don’t want to be. Having a child has pushed so much to the forefront. I want my child to grow up stronger, more confident, more prepared for the world and life than I did. I want to be free to love my husband and my life without guilt of what others will think. I don’t want to feel as if my happiness in imperfection means weakness. I didn’t marry a strong christian man like I was supposed to. I honestly was surprised with how my choice ended up. I was maybe more surprised with what I learned about myself. I am so thankful for the life I have. I am incredibly happy I didn’t end up marrying a “strong spiritual leader”. Most of the ones I have experience with struggle with controlling behavior, harshness, close mindedness. I am glad not to have to deal with those traits. I think God knew what he was doing when he put me with the man he did. He knew I needed to see how imperfect I was. I was living with rose colored glasses on about myself for so long. I don’t think I would have grown, fallen, learned, struggled, failed or relied on God so much if I was in any other situation. Even just typing that just now strikes a chord with me. I truly need to rely on God every second of every day in the life I have. Not because its horrible or I am always unhappy. But it is hard. Life is hard. Being a mom is hard. Being a wife is hard. God help me. Help me everyday. Help me now. Help me cling. Help me speak. Help me listen. Help me trust. Help me.

Threaded Discussion

May 3, 2011 by melancholy

Threaded Discussion: Numero Uno

Creativity is often said to be something you are born with not so much learned. I beg to differ. At least I desire to argue that it is both learned and inherent. Many people are born with the ability to create at some level. Too many people stop here. The ability to create is a blessing but when not put to practice the full potential of the creative mind is never seen. There are also those who are not born with a strong sense of creativity but through experiences and practice can evolve into an artist at one level or another. I agree that being a strong, creative person is a mindset. It is not something you should turn off; it is a way of living.

mind-set (also mindset)

noun [usu. in sing. ]

the established set of attitudes held by someone : the region seems stuck in a medieval mind-set.

The definition above describes that a creative mindset should be an ESTABLISHED set of attitudes. This isn’t something that comes and goes. I don’t believe creative individuals are easy to characterize. They have as stated in the threaded topic often broad, intellectual and artistic interests but this is not set in stone. Some creative people can also be narrow-minded though this is often contradictory. I also don’t believe all artists have a strong image of themselves as a creative person. I have found this is often the opposite. Artists tend to be overly critical of their own abilities and creative prowess. Overall, I think creative individuals like any individual doesn’t fit into a certain mold. Each is unique.

The Creative Process:

The creative process is very important when it comes to conceptualizing and producing something, whether it is a work of art or an essay. You often start with the planning stage or brainstorming. It is important in this stage not to be overly critical or discerning about your ideas or what you decide to put on paper. The point is to get your creative juices flowing. The next step would most likely be refining your ideas into thumbnails or more organized thoughts. Finally attempting to finalize the project. I know I probably am missing some details but I think that is a sufficient summary.

The most challenging part of the creative process for me would be producing a project. I am not confident with my skills in most mediums and often resort to being overly critical. I also have trouble coming up with viable concepts sometimes. I would like to grow as a creative person in my abilities to communicate my ideas in a manner that is aesthetically pleasing and able to understand.

In order to promote creativity I think it should be embraced at a young age and nurtured as you grow. I believe many institutions and individuals often squelch a creative spirit. Encourage doodling and artistic expression in a variety of forms.